Gordon E. Ellis
April 15, 2007
FEAR, DOUBT, AND FAITH
Once upon a time, TWIN boys were conceived in the same WOMB. Seconds, minutes, hours PASSED as the two dormant lives DEVELOPED. The SPARK of life GLOWED until it fanned FIRE with the formation of their EMBRYONIC brains. And WITH their simple brains came FEELING; and with feeling, PERCEPTION: a perception of surroundings, a perception of each other, and a perception of self. WHEN they perceived the life of each other, and their OWN, they KNEW that life was GOOD. So they LAUGHED and REJOICED, the ONE saying: Lucky are WE to have been CONCEIVED and to HAVE this world; and the OTHER chiming: BLESSED be the MOTHER, who GAVE us this life AND each other. As time passed, EACH one budded and grew ARMS and fingers, lean legs and stubby toes. They stretched their LUNGS, and CHURNED and TURNED in their new-found WORLD. They EXPLORED their world, and IN it, found the LIFE-CORD which gave them LIFE from the precious BLOOD of the MOTHER. SO, they sang: How GREAT is the love of the MOTHER, that she shares ALL that she HAS with US! And the two were PLEASED and SATISFIED with their LOT.
Well, WEEKS passed into MONTHS, and with the ADVENT of each new MONTH, they noticed a CHANGE in each other, and EACH began to see a change in HIMSELF. We are CHANGING, said the one. WHAT can this MEAN?
It MEANS, replied the OTHER, that we are drawing NEAR to BIRTH.
An unsettling CHILL crept over the TWO, and they both FEARED, for they knew that BIRTH meant LEAVING their world BEHIND. Said the ONE: Were it up to ME, I would live HERE forever!
But we MUST be born, said the other. It has happened to ALL the others who WERE here. For INDEED, there WAS evidence of LIFE there before, as the Mother HAD borne OTHERS.
But, MIGHTN’T there be life AFTER birth? asked the first.
Oh, how CAN there be LIFE after birth, cried the other. DO we not shed our LIFE-CORD? And tell me: have you ever SPOKEN to anyone who has been BORN? Has ANYONE ever RE-ENTERED the womb after BIRTH? NO, I tell you! And he fell into DESPAIR, and IN his despair, he moaned: IF the purpose of CONCEPTION, and ALL of our GROWTH, is that it be ENDED in BIRTH, then TRULY our life is ABSURD! RESIGNED to despair, the ONE twin stabbed the DARKNESS with his UNSEEING eyes. And AS he clutched his precious LIFE-CORD to his CHEST, he said: If THIS is SO, and life IS absurd, then there can be NO mother!
But there IS a MOTHER! protested the OTHER. Who ELSE gives us NOURISHMENT and provides this WORLD that we LIVE in?
We get our OWN nourishment, and our WORLD has ALWAYS been here. And IF there IS a mother, where IS she? Have you ever SEEN her? Does she talk to YOU? NO! We INVENTED the Mother because it satisfied a need in US! It made us feel HAPPY and SECURE. There IS no mother!
THUS, while one RAVED and despaired, the OTHER resigned himself to BIRTH and placed his TRUST in the hands of the MOTHER. HOURS ached into DAYS, and DAYS fell into WEEKS. And FINALLY, it came TIME! Both of them KNEW that their BIRTH was at hand, and BOTH of them FEARED what they did not KNOW! As the ONE was the first to be CONCEIVED, so HE was the first to be BORN, the OTHER following AFTER. The twins CRIED as they were BORN into the LIGHT. They coughed out FLUID and GASPED dry air. And WHEN they were SURE that they had been BORN, they OPENED their eyes, SEEING for the first time. And they FOUND themselves CRADLED in the warm LOVE of the MOTHER! They lay OPEN-MOUTHED, AWESTRUCK, before a BEAUTY and TRUTH they could NOT have HOPED to have KNOWN. (Published by AGAPE, September, 1975, Vol. 4l No. 99 P.19; a homily offered by Fr. Aquinas Keane at the funeral for his father, Joseph Keane.)
Isn’t that a BEAUTIFUL parable! Well, AS I was struggling with WHAT it must have FELT like to BE one of the disciples of Jesus on that FIRST Easter, THIS parable came into my MIND. Oh yes, it IS a parable about LIFE and DEATH and life AFTER death. And if we LISTEN to it with that in MIND, it DOES offer us a great deal of COMFORT and HOPE. But, I think it’s ALSO a parable that captures the EMOTIONAL and spiritual JOURNEY of those FIRST disciples of Jesus. After all, in just ONE week, these disciples had MOVED from a position of STRENGTH and SECURITY, a position of being on TOP of the world, to a position of FEAR, DESPAIR and GRIEF. JOHN tells us that, AFTER the crucifixion of Jesus, the disciples HUDDLED together behind LOCKED doors, AFRAID that THEY might meet the SAME fate that JESUS had met. And I can PICTURE them in that little ROOM, can’t you? A COUPLE of them are probably cooking SUPPER. A couple are talking about that MURDERER, Barabbas, and how HE should have gone to the cross INSTEAD of JESUS. A FEW are probably just sitting there in SILENCE, maybe THINKING or PRAYING. And a FEW are probably pacing the FLOOR, WINE in hand, about ready to CRACK from BOREDOM.
Actually, it reminds me of a DREAM I had one night. Our house at Lake MOORE is JUST over the mountain from the Vermont Yankee Atomic Plant in Vernon, Vermont. And I had a DREAM one night that there was an ACCIDENT at that NUCLEAR power plant, and that EVERYONE was told to MAKE their home as AIRTIGHT as possible, and to STAY in the BASEMENT until further notice. SO, we spent several DAYS in a small, airtight basement ROOM. We played CARDS. We READ. WE listened to the RADIO. We TALKED. We PACED the floor. And we got BORED out of our MINDS! But UNDERNEATH it all, we were TREMBLING inside! We were SCARED to death!
Well, I suspect that THAT’S how the DISCIPLES must have FELT. After all, on FRIDAY – just a COUPLE of days earlier – they had WATCHED as their TEACHER, their GUIDE, their LEADER, was NAILED to a cross and MURDERED like a common CRIMINAL. And NOW, they were hearing RUMORS that THOSE who killed JESUS were HUNTING for His FOLLOWERS -- to kill them TOO! They’d been TOLD of His RISING from the DEAD, but THAT seemed like MUCH too much to BELIEVE. SO, they felt TORN inside, TORN between the HOPE they were beginning to FEEL, thinking that He MIGHT have RISEN, and the HOPE they DARED not HAVE!
In the PROCESS, I suspect that they must have WONDERED whether Jesus had been completely HONEST with them. WAS He just a FRAUD? WAS He another FALSE prophet, as MANY seemed to think? DID they WASTE 3 years of their lives FOLLOWING Him? WAS it all OVER now? And WHY did it have to end like THIS? How ABSURD it all seemed! And WHAT would they do NOW? WHAT would be NEXT for them? IMAGINE how full of QUESTIONS, DOUBTS and FEARS they must have been, JUST like the TWINS in the PARABLE as their BIRTH drew near.
And then, THOMAS comes along! And Thomas VERBALIZES some of their DOUBTS and FEARS! I can just HEAR him saying: Why SHOULD I believe that He’s RISEN? I want PROOF! And, I can hear him SAYING it because I’ve SAID it MYSELF! And I’m sure YOU have TOO! I mean: how OFTEN do we FIND ourselves falling into DOUBT and FEAR? And who AMONG us DOESN’T have a hard time TRUSTING the TRUTH of the resurrection, the TRUTH that God’s redeeming love is ALWAYS with us and ALWAYS at WORK in our lives and world? WHO among us DOESN’T have trouble believing that we have NOTHING to fear, because GOD is WITH us and FOR us? WHO among us doesn’t FEAR major LIFE transitions as they arise? WHO among us DOESN’T worry sometimes about being VICTIMIZED by crime and violence? WHO among us DOESN’T fear the CONSEQUENCES of what we’re doing to our ENVIRONMENT? WHO among us DOESN’T worry sometimes about LOSING our JOBS? WHO among us DOESN’T fear the pain of ILLNESS and the STRUGGLES of aging? And WHO among us DOESN’T fear DEATH itself, the final CURTAIN?
I’ll tell you: IF we CONTEMPLATE such things for very long, we can literally DRIVE ourselves EITHER into a state of PANIC, or like the DISCIPLES, into a state of PARALYSIS! And WHEN we DO that, it’s EASY to feel like THOMAS, or like that TWIN in the parable who’s in such DESPAIR! You see: it’s EASY to DOUBT! It’s EASY to feel UNCERTAIN! It’s EASY to start contemplating and questioning God’s EXISTENCE and God’s PRESENCE, God’s CONCERN for US and God’s CAPABILITY in the face of THIS world’s SUFFERING and EVIL.
HOWEVER, the story doesn’t END there! The story doesn’t END with FEAR, DOUBT and UNCERTAINTY proclaiming themselves as the VICTORS. No! And it’s because, INTO their locked room; INTO their paralysis; INTO all their DOUBT, FEAR and despair, JESUS appears! And WHAT does Jesus do FIRST? Jesus says: PEACE be WITH you! In OTHER words, He CALMS them down! First and foremost, He EASES their minds and their hearts. He SHOWS them that He IS, indeed, RISEN, and that He is WITH them! Therefore, they NO longer need to FEAR. They can even TOUCH His WOUNDS to PROVE it! And WITH this appearance, He’s saying to them: SEE! God IS in control, so you can BE at peace, EVEN in TRYING times! And LIKE the twins in the PARABLE, His disciples are just AWESTRUCK standing in His PRESENCE! And they BELIEVE!
You know: it’s INTERESTING to note the SEQUENCE here: BEFORE Jesus sends His disciples OUT to accomplish their MISSION, He CALMS their fears and doubts. He gives them PEACE! And THAT’S because He KNOWS that, UNTIL He calms them DOWN, they will be unable to HEAR His CALL. And I think that THAT teaches US something about the CHURCH’S role in people’s lives. I mean: sometimes NEW people will come into the church, and we EXPECT them to RIGHT away be EXCITED and dedicated, committed and involved, INVESTED and ready to SERVE. But INSTEAD, we need to learn from Jesus to ACCEPT people where they’re AT! And VERY often, I’VE found that people finally come to CHURCH when life gets DIFFICULT and stressful, TRYING and maybe even TRAUMATIC! And WHEN they COME here, they’re very OFTEN full of DOUBTS and FEARS. And THEREFORE, they come in somewhat TENTATIVELY. Well, WHEN that’s the CASE, what they NEED from us is to be told NOT where their DUTY lies, but from WHENCE cometh their HELP. And ONLY after they understand THAT will they be able to hear the call to SERVE.
Yes, JESUS took people WHERE they were AT! He DEALT with the what IS BEFORE He talked about the what WILL be. And THAT has to be OUR function as WELL when people come and visit US! FIRST, we need to LISTEN to their story. We need to HEAR their DOUBTS! We need to HEAR their pain! We need to HEAR their fears. And then, AFTER we’ve really LISTENED to them, and UNDERSTOOD their NEEDS, we need to SHARE with them what has been our OWN source of PEACE and healing and strength. It’s like ONE beggar telling ANOTHER beggar WHERE there’s a crust of BREAD. We need to SHARE with them the FAITH that gives US peace of MIND and heart. We need to be WITNESSES to the POWER, the PRESENCE and the PEACE of Risen CHRIST in our OWN lives! And friends, ONCE we’ve DONE that, and ONCE people begin to FEEL for themselves the PEACE of Christ, THEY will begin to open themselves UP to the CALL of Christ, and we can CHALLENGE them! And THAT’S because they will begin to UNDERSTAND that FAITH is NOT just a GIFT, but ALSO a DEMAND. AS we SEE in the First Letter of John: FAITH is not JUST a way of THINKING; it’s ALSO a way of WALKING! It’s a LIFESTYLE! BUT, until we experience the PEACE of Christ, we CANNOT feel the PUSH of Christ!
SO, let’s follow the example and progression of the Risen Christ in our Scripture Lesson today. And AS we DO, may ALL who come here feel the PEACE and PRESENCE of the Risen Christ, the One IN whose presence THEY and WE, like those newborn TWINS, will stand OPEN-MOUTHED, AWESTRUCK before a BEAUTY and TRUTH we could not have HOPED to have known. THANKS be to GOD! Amen.