WHY I’VE DECIDED TO MOVE

Gordon E. Ellis
July 29, 2007

WHY I’VE DECIDED TO MOVE

I realize that my letter of resignation came as a SHOCK to many of you this week. I also realize that it has caused some DISCOMFORT for some of you. I KNEW it WOULD, because I’ve been such an integral part of so MANY of your LIVES and families for SUCH a long time, and it always HURTS to have a LOVED one move away. Therefore, PART of our JOURNEY together, over the next 3 months, will be GRIEVING together, and I very much want it to be an honest, healthy, life-giving experience for ALL of us. I believe that GRIEF can bring with it MANY gifts, blessings and opportunities, along WITH its inevitable PAIN and hurt. And I believe this to be TRUE because OUR God is a REDEEMING God, who stands WITH us in our times of TRIAL and trouble, and who TRANSFORMS our various LOSSES and HURTS into INCREDIBLE new life. SO, as much as my leaving DISCOMFORTS us, I firmly BELIEVE that FROM our grief and pain will come MANY blessings and gifts, blessings and gifts that we CANNOT even IMAGINE yet -- IF we just trust GOD to be at work WITHIN and AMONG us.

One of the FIRST questions that grief always ASKS is, “WHY?”…. WHY does this loss HAVE to happen? And THIS is a question that I have been hearing a LOT this week: WHY, Gordon, WHY? Therefore, I’ve decided to ADDRESS this question TODAY, and to SHARE with you some of my REASONS for MAKING the decision to move ON.

First, I want to be CLEAR that it’s NOT for lack of LOVE. I’ve given and received more LOVE among you during these last 17 years than MOST people give and receive in a LIFETIME! And no matter WHERE I am, I will ALWAYS love this church family, and carry EACH of you WITH me, because you have WOVEN yourselves into the very FABRIC of my LIFE. In fact, AS I said in my letter this week: in MANY ways you have TAUGHT me my own WORTH and I will be FOREVER grateful. In fact, I am CERTAIN that there will be MANY days ahead when I will be SUSTAINED by the love YOU have shown to me. No, it’s NOT for lack of LOVE that I’ve decided to move on.

Let me also tell you that I was NOT doing a full-blown SEARCH for a new position. IF Keene had NOT opened up at this particular time, we would NOT be having this discussion. But for YEARS now, Diane and I have looked at and attended The United Church of Christ in Keene, and fantasized more than once about ME becoming the PASTOR there someday. And as MOST of you know, according to our master plan for our lives, we HAVE been planning to MOVE to that region of New England within a FEW years anyway… just not quite so SOON. But in SPITE of all this, THIS was NOT an EASY decision. In fact, BECAUSE we’ve thought about Keene for so LONG, it was hard to discern whether GOD was calling me there, or whether it was SELF-TALK. Maybe it was just something WE wanted. And I’ve been in ministry long ENOUGH to know that if GOD is not in the CALL, it will be a MISTAKE! And of course, I WANT God to BLESS my new ministry, so I HAD to be SURE that it was GOD calling me there. And though it’s taken me a LONG time, and LOTS of prayer (LOTS of LISTENING for God’s VOICE), I’ve come to believe that God IS, indeed, CALLING me to the church in Keene, and that God WILL, indeed, BLESS my ministry there. AM I absolutely CERTAIN? Of COURSE not! BUT, I believe that God has PREPARED me for the CHALLENGE that Keene will BE (and it WILL be a challenge); that God has been at WORK throughout the process, opening doors and ENABLING it to happen; AND that God will BLESS my WORK and bless that CHURCH.

And THIS is where our Scripture Lessons for today come in. In some strange WAY, I think that my LEAVING Southington has to do with the Parable of the Talents. When I came here, 17 years ago, THIS church’s NEEDS and my GIFTS for ministry fit together like a hand in a glove. And for 17 years now, nearly 1/3 of my life, WE have worked very hard TOGETHER to renew and REVITALIZE this church. DURING that time, God has blessed our work and MULTIPLIED our gifts INCREDIBLY. We’ve done FAR more together than ANY of us could have ever IMAGINED 17 years ago. And it’s been a BEAUTIFUL and POWERFUL journey!

However, AS I began my talks with the church in KEENE, I began to feel a NAGGING sensation, a sense of UNREST in my soul. I tried to REPRESS it at first, but it just WOULDN’T go AWAY. And BECAUSE I believe that IF we don’t DEAL with our feelings, our feelings DEAL with US, I began trying to SORT out WHAT I was feeling, and WHY. And what I came UP with SURPRISED me, though I’m not sure WHY it SHOULD have. I REALIZED that, IN the process of USING my various gifts and talents to work with you in renewing THIS church, God has BLESSED me with even MORE gifts and talents for ministry, just as the parable SAYS. And I’ve REALIZED that the UNREST that I started FEELING was the crying OUT of these NEW gifts and talents, crying out to be USED and MULTIPLIED in the SAME way that my OLD gifts and talents have been used and multiplied during my ministry HERE. You see: the church in KEENE has had some EXTREMELY difficult, and even EMBARRASSING, experiences with previous pastors, and it’s LEFT them somewhat FRACTURED. And NOW, they very much NEED a pastor with LOTS of EXPERIENCE; with a GOOD track record in ministry; with good LISTENING skills, and with LOTS of VISION and perseverance. In OTHER words, they NEED a Senior Minister who can take that still hurting congregation, and even still BROKEN congregation, and HELP them LEARN to trust MINISTERS again; achieve their GOAL and VISION of RENEWING, strengthening and REVITALIZING their church; and MOTIVATE them to let GO of their OLD animosities in order to EMBRACE and PURSUE a common MISSION and a common PURPOSE. And I believe -- and SO do THEY -- that IN and through my work HERE, God has blessed ME with the gifts, talents and experience that I NEED in order to ACCOMPLISH such a ministry. And friends: these gifts and talents that I’ve been given here NEED to be USED! They’re crying OUT to be USED! And so, the CHALLENGE of Keene has DRAWN me IN. And I’ve REALIZED that for me to BURY these gifts and talents, because I DON’T want to LEAVE this church family that I’m so COMFORTABLE with, or because I don’t want to become VULNERABLE again, would BE like the SLAVE in the parable, who BURIES his master’s MONEY. And if I’m going to be FAITHFUL to God, I just can’t DO that! I HAVE to USE what God has BLESSED me with!

Would it be EASIER to STAY? Of COURSE! I could stay here and live very HAPPILY within my little “COMFORT zone” until I RETIRE. I could become one of those BELOVED old PARSONS, SO integrally-involved in the lives and families of my parishioners for years and years and years. And there’s a part of me that would LOVE to DO just THAT! BUT, like ABRAHAM in our Scripture Lesson from GENESIS today, I FEEL like God is CALLING me, and I NEED to follow WHEREVER it IS that God is LEADING me, because I can’t KNOW how KEENE will turn OUT! AND, I am feeling CALLED to become VULNERABLE again, and to HAVE to put my trust in GOD, which I DON’T really have to DO here very MUCH anymore, because I have so much HISTORY and so much AUTHORITY here, simply because I’ve BEEN here so LONG, and because the VAST majority of you have come INTO this church during MY tenure here. I remember when my teacher and mentor, William Sloane Coffin LEFT his position as Chaplain at Yale to go to Riverside Church in New York. HE was well enough known to hold a press conference about it. And DURING the press conference, he gave all the usual reasons for leaving. But after it was over, a group of us went up to him and said: OK, Bill, now tell us why you’re really leaving. And he replied: Because I’m no longer VULNERABLE here. It’s taken me YEARS to understand what he MEANT that day, but now I DO. And it’s ONE of the reasons I have to leave Southington. SO, I’m feeling like HAVE to go, even though it’s SCAREY! The PEOPLE in Keene have been absolutely WONDERFUL, and I look forward to getting to KNOW them. But the WORK in Keene will NOT be EASY! And that’s SCAREY and CHALLENGING! But, it’s CALLING me! And AS it calls me, I believe that GOD is CALLING me! SO, I’m feeling like I NEED to GO.

And ACTUALLY, I think it might be GOOD for THIS church that I GO. I DO have too much AUTHORITY here. In MANY ways, THIS has become GORDON’S church. But it SHOULDN’T be! THIS is a CONGREGATIONAL church! It’s supposed to be GOVERNED by the congregation. SO, it NEEDS to be YOUR church. The facts that I’ve been here so long, that most of you have joined during my TENURE here, and that about 85% of you are former Roman Catholics, has left ME with much too much AUTHORITY. And while I’ve always tried to lead this church FAITHFULLY, it’s TIME that you took the reigns yourselves and GOVERNED your OWN church. And THIS church is STRONG now! SPIRITUALLY you’re strong! Your STAFFING is strong! Your LAY leadership is STRONG! Your FINANCIAL base is STRONG! This is a STRONG and VIBRANT congregation! And I hope that you will CELEBRATE your strength, and REALIZE that LOTS of ministers are going to want to COME here. YOU will have your PICK of the litter! I GUARANTEE it! And you WILL weather this BUMP in the road, and become even STRONGER and more SOLIDIFIED as a church family BECAUSE you have gone THROUGH this experience of LOSS together, and EXERCISED your VOICE and VOTE in the shaping of the NEXT era in the long and venerable history of this WONDERFUL church. Yes, it HURTS, and I don’t want to MINIMIZE that! But as LONG as you INVITE and ALLOW God’s SPIRIT to be at WORK here, as we’ve BEEN doing together for the last 17 years, God WILL be at WORK here! And FROM this experience of grief will come MANY gifts and blessings for this church.

You know: I ASKED to have The SACRAMENT of the Lord’s Supper shared at ALL of our services today. WHY? Because COMMUNION is such a great SYMBOL of WHAT we are about to ENDURE. You see: the PROCESS that has allowed these ELEMENTS of bread and grape juice to be TRANSFORMED out of those simple grains of WHEAT and those juicy GRAPES was NOT an EASY process if you THINK about it. There was PICKING and SIFTING, CRACKING and CRUSHING! But WHAT a FRUITFUL and LIFE-GIVING process it IS! And NOW, to BE on this table of COMMUNION, serving as the ELEMENTS in the most SACRED ritual in the life of THIS, or ANY, church – WHAT a journey the wheat and grapes have TAKEN. And WHAT new LIFE they have FOUND in the process.

Well, OUR journey will be JUST as FRUITFUL. This transition, this loss, WILL be TRANSFORMED into NEW life. I PROMISE! You just need to stick BY this church and KEEP it going STRONG during TRANSITION. SOME of the new life will be evident during the next 3 months as WE continue walking the journey TOGETHER, and I look forward to sharing it WITH you. But MOST of the new life will ONLY come LATER, as we begin walking SEPARATE paths. And as DIFFICULT as it will be for me NOT to be PART of it all, I look forward to WATCHING, from a DISTANCE, as your NEW gifts and blessings begin to UNFOLD, MULTIPLY, and bear FRUIT! KNOW that I will be celebrating your new life WITH you, realizing it was BORN out of the love that WE have shared these last 17 years!

NO! Your journey will NOT be EASY, but it WILL be FRUITFUL, because I know, and SO do YOU, that the TRUE Shepherd, the One who TRULY gathers in the LAMBS and FEEDS the flock, the One who TRULY provides the VISION and DIRECTION the church needs, the One TO whom the church REALLY belongs, is NEVER the MINISTER. It is GOD and God ALONE, in and through Jesus Christ! And SO, may God be WITH each and every ONE of you, AND with this church family as a WHOLE -- AND with ME -- and with the church in KEENE -- during these next 3 months and BEYOND, bringing HEALING, bringing HOPE, bringing new LIFE, and once again MULTIPLYING our gifts and blessings in the name of CHRIST, the One whose ministry and mission we are ALL blessed to SHARE, regardless of where we LIVE or where we WORK! Thanks be to God for each and every ONE of you, and for this FABULOUS church! Amen.