May 25, 2008
Rev Linda Fernandes-Bailey
In-Between Times
A few weeks ago Jim, Lucas and I drove up to Storrs to the UConn campus where Lucas will be attending in the fall. We knew a young women graduating who was kind enough to give us a tour of the campus and share her experience there with Lucas. It was an exciting day! My last child off to college…looking forward to empty nesting. But I noticed this feeling building in my chest…and my mind spinning with worry. What if he doesn’t make friends? What if he parties too much? Can he manage life on his own? Will he make good decisions? Gosh is he really old enough to do this? The next day the angst continued. As I reflected and sat with my feelings a bit I realized this in-between time for my family, as my kids move from childhood into adulthood, (I HOPE!) brings up worry….anxiety about the future. For so many years family life just plugs along and things can become even predictable then one day your kids grow up and things change…they change quite a bit. How you relate to one another changes…you know, they go from adoring you to thinking you just might be the stupidest person on earth. Everything annoys them. Traditions you held dear sometimes fall by the wayside because you are never in the same place at the same time. They leave, they come back, one minute the house is full… then empty… then full again! The uncertainty of change seems to bring up all your worry/anxiety. Part of you spins into the future… part of you longs for the past…it is hard to live in the present moment.
And so it is in the life of the church, we find ourselves at an in-between time. A time of change. What once was is no longer. We don’t quite know where we will end up yet. It’s an exciting time, but also, for many of us it brings up worry/anxiety. What will the future bring? Will the church I know and love look the same? What about the traditions I hold dear? Some days we cry, “Nothing is the same…I don’t like it!” All of us have some sort of litany of worry during times of change.
To our condition of worry Jesus says, “Do not worry about your life.” Of course, Jesus never had a family or a church for that matter. I have to admit my first reaction was anger…like Jesus you have got to be kidding about this one….is it even possible to not worry?! Most of the time following Jesus is hard. He goes on to say don’t worry about what you’ll eat or wear which to those of us who have plenty to eat and wear doesn’t seem like a big deal. But imagine being hungry and naked. You might begin to think that Jesus is mad! Seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place. It’s hard to think about putting God first when you’re starving and naked. We can’t really believe this might lead to wholeness and so Jesus reminds us…You of little faith. A common theme in Matthew’s gospel…a common theme in our lives…little faith.
It seems like sometimes we think that it is worry itself that will change things. We almost get addicted to it…don’t we? Sometimes superstitious…like if we don’t’ worry something really bad might happen…OR things won’t get done if we don’t worry.
The problem with worry is that it eats away at our faith. Jesus knew that. Seeking the kingdom first is the key to the abundant life Jesus has promised. It seems an impossible way to order our lives when we are busy worrying. But Jesus reminds us…
“Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?” It seems to me, that what Jesus is saying is; life is a gift, don’t waste it with worry. Have you ever spent lots of time worrying about some future event and everything turned out just fine and then you realize just how much energy was wasted in worry….how parts of life passed you by while you were wallowing in worry? And maybe you realize how little faith you had. I know I have.
Worry can have a negative impact on our lives. As our anxiety builds…if we are unaware of what is at the core of our worry…we begin to act out…Don’t we? I mean I know sometimes kids going off to college get really grumpy in an effort to separate from their parents. And we adults when faced with change and in-between times begin to grasp tightly in an effort to keep everything just the way it was. We act out too. Maybe we get hyper –critical…or inflexible as we try to keep control within our reach. Worry can begin to poison our relationships or prevent us from building new ones. Worry prevents us from living in the present moment and thereby missing blessings along the way. And worry can prevent us from hearing the voice of God. Before we know it…it’s not about the kingdom at all but grasping for security and permanence.
One thing I have found helpful when I am overcome by worry is to become an objective observer of my feelings. You can feel the uncomfortable feelings without reacting in some way or avoiding it like the plague. You just take a deep breath and feel the feeling…hmmm it’s no wonder the word for Spirit translates to breath. Buddhist monk Thich Nat Hahn says something like, when you feel your anxiety rising in you the thing to do is invite it in. You say to your anxiety “Hello my little anxiety…welcome…what do you have to teach me today.” (I know you think I am crazy!) But Try it…if nothing else it can immediately put a smile on your face and defuse your worry. Worry is often our teacher in learning to let go and trust God. It is a symptom of our little faith. It is a clue that perhaps our focus is not on God and we have lost sight of the kingdom.
Seeking the kingdom first is perhaps confusing for many of us who might think of the kingdom as a place we go to. In that case, we probably think of it as unattainable until our death. But the kingdom of God is also within us. It is as much about wholeness and living intentionally…consciously…with awareness as anything else. Paul tells us to be of the same mind as Christ. John Sanford tells us in his book “The Kingdom Within” “We harbor the kingdom within our own soul” We tend to translate the gospel into “doing” rather than being. When we think of having the same mind as Christ we think of doing the things Jesus did. But being and being mindful of what goes on inside of us is as important as doing. If we are constantly in the state of worry and project our worry out into our community of faith…our families…the world it will have a negative impact. Faith requires a bit of soul searching…some self- awareness. It means making an effort to “let go and let God” as the saying goes. Faith means trusting that in the midst of change God is working. It means that even when we are plagued with uncertainty about the future, life unfolds and God is present. In the midst of our in-between times God whispers, “I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth do you not perceive it?”
Again I took solace in the words of Brian Taylor in his book “becoming human” He says, “IN the last few years I have been undergoing a kind of death and resurrection. With our children leaving home and becoming independent, something very precious and good is over, never to return in the same way. As much as we’ve enjoyed the quiet and freedom of being just the two of us as a couple again, we’ve been off balance too, trying to cope with the loss and the new reality. We’re still in a time of emerging transformation.” He goes on to say (and this is BIG) “Our spiritual work is to become comfortable with impermanence….Loss and change are not the enemy. They are only the beginning for a God who makes all things new. And they are only the beginning for people of faith who embrace this mystery.”
In the in-between times of our lives…in all times of our lives we walk with a God who promises never to forget us and holds us in the palm of her hand. Our God is a God of steadfast love. IN our worry and uncertainty we meet this God who sustains and upholds us and makes all things new. Amen.